Away from Home

Even if I get rid of it, the truth that I am alone now haunts me. It has changed me, though, in so many ways. Being able to write a blog, at long last, is one.

So, I get to make time to write my first blog. The one to start a set of many, I hope. It would be inexcusable if I say I have no time. The opportunity was always there, I need not find it, I just have to make use of it.

I have been working for a software company in China as a systems consultant for several months now. The kind of job I do is nothing new -project implementation, deadlines, meetings, analysis, delays, etc. I have been working on the same software application since the time I start working after college. Though I am still learning everyday, this is where I am comfortable. I feel fulfilled when I finish something my brains and heart sweat for. Only this time, I need to be relocated. Business travel for me now means being away from home for a very long time.

I am one of those so-called well-compensated "expatriates". I have all the things that I need at work and inside my hotel room, but not the people I care about. Until now, I still can't get used to it. Back in school times, I was always with my family -my mother, most of the time. Even when I got married, I always felt complete when someone from my family lives in my house. Now that I choose to be in this career path, I should learn to turn my experiences like academic subjects in school -take the tests and pass them.

First, the silence in my room is almost unbearable. Gosh! When I turn on my MP3 player, I would hear those OPM songs that would make me miss home more. All the movies in my 500GB external disk have all been watched (can someone donate more?). The hotel television doesn't even have AXN channel. It's really frustrating. I can't do any chore because the place I am staying in is serviced. The housekeeping takes care of all my trash and laundry. Even if I leave for work with a messy room, I arrive in the evening with a brand new place. All's cleaned up. Especially when I go to bed, I would need to stay awake for few hours before I could finally doze off. I'm not sure if I can stand this room. All I can hear are the air conditioner and the sound of water in my bathroom.

Secondly, the communication barrier between expats like me and the natives here is intolerable. When I go shopping or eat at restaurants, it takes me one hour before I would be able to purchase something or order a meal. Taxi drivers can't even take me to places I want. I think I really need to learn to speak Mandarin... Right now, my English-Chinese pocket dictionary is my constant companion and best friend. God knows if I will ever survive China without it!

Most of all, this place does not feel like home. Though I hope someday it would be... From the place where I came from, I would stare at people who look and speak differently, with much curiosity. Here, I am the one being stared at. I am the stranger. Everybody around me look, speak, react and eat the same. One wrong move and I'd surely be somewhere else... hahahahaha...

People can't have all that's good in one package. I just wish something better would come out from this. Otherwise, I will just have to let it go and return home.