Looking backward, looking forward

I am writing this note while on a plane flying me and some other hundred passengers back to Manila, whose every mile travelled adds to my intolerable boredom. I closed my eyes whenever I attempted to fight the irritable person in me, wishing I could doze off and never notice how two hours more would pass-- but failed to even block out my mind for a minute. Nevertheless, I never stopped praying we would have a safe flight home.

I know almost everyone will be talking about Christmas- where and how are they going to spend it, how much people have shopped for gifts, attending parties, vacationing in hometowns, etc etc. Yet, for me, Christmas is the last window showing how my year had been-- where I could also take a peek on what's going to happen next-- the one best last time to regret and decide on changing things, and/or start from something fresh to fix things or simply make things more right. Christmas is the first of many better instances where you can begin to draw your future the way you want it to be.

My 2009 has been both painful and blessed. I had misunderstood and later learned on situations which gave me the strength and wisdom to be a better woman. I met new people and later realized they're no longer around to even smile at me or call my name-- friends whom, I'm afraid, might never be visible for the rest of my life. And yet, I found old friends I thought I have long forgotten. Inevitably, I also lost people who were very close to my heart-- people whom I am certain would watch over me from the skies and relay my heart's wishes to the Most High.

I have travelled to places I had never been, to see how big the world really is and how small my dreams are compared to what it can offer me. I will never stop, as long as I can, to step on every foreign land the world will make available for me. It is a never-ending adventure itself- to just reach new places and marking your life with discoveries worth treasuring. In the process, my life is enriched slowly with knowing different cultures of many races-- wishing that at the end of it all, I can still be proud to be who I really am and where I came from.

I believe many other people have had better experiences in this ending year of global trials and mysteries. Whether we can enumerate all or just some, we should acknowledge that how we are now owes to each of it. To whatever effect this year has brought to our lives, a glimpse to a more challenging world with all our dreams and wishes and plans is a good way to savor Christmas with all the material things attached to it. It, also, never fails to be the greatest first move to welcome the approaching new year.

From the time I can remember until the moment I will start to forget how my life was lived, there is only one thing I am certain-- I try to offer my life to my daughters and continuously let the Most Powerful take charge of it all.

Have a blessed Christmas and New Year to one and all!

Flying Home for Christmas

Sitting on my bed in my room with dysfunctional aircon made me feel more agitated to go home. The numberless thoughts of needing to buy "pasalubong" for my family and friends ended me up to having nothing on hand at all. I hated to imagine how malls would be full of shoppers from all corners of the country and the rest might have flown in to Singapore from some parts of the universe just to check out countrywide promos. Sale is everywhere. It's odd to feel happy and a little irritated at the same time. Yet, it's Christmas. What more can anyone expect?

My room is jam-packed with things I have shopped since the time I arrived in the country-- most of which are very small things I bought for my kids, Yumi and Shami. I have no plans of checking out gifts for my godchildren as I am used to giving "ampao" as "aguinaldo" on New Year's Day. Out of less than ten godchildren I have (whom I barely know), only one or two of them would bother to visit me and claim their "aguinaldo". Cash was always safer to give, I realized. There was a time I attempted to buy new clothes or toys for them-- most of which ended up wrapped forever inside my mom's closet, and some just caused some kids disappointment.

My mother would always remind me to buy chocolates. I think chocolates are cheaper here but I don't think I am ready to find myself in endless queues at mall cash counters. I can buy them at the airport, as I always did in most of my trips. In addition, having excess chocolates with you ensures that you'll have a generic gift for people who would pay unexpected visits. Chocolates, thus, are a sure "must-have"!

I will also try to buy some kikay gifts for my friends from high school, who will meet up with me before I fly back to Singapore. Still haven't decided yet what to give them exactly. Most wished to receive something with the "Singapore" word in it. And yet again, key chains are a big NO... hahaha!

Haaaayyy. All of these crossed my mind while watching a Pinoy show online a few hours after midnight. I could not even remember what specific show it was. All I am preoccupied with is how I am going to spend my short vacation with everyone who will make me feel I am home again this Christmas.

I wish it was the 24th!!!

Today is the first after several weekends that I can free my mind up of stuff about work. I fell asleep last night earlier than usual due to intolerable exhaustion (earlier for me is 12:30AM). But in spite of my ultimate desire to chat with my kids I knew I could not 'coz I really was so drained. Since I am used to getting a 4-hour sleep every working day, I hatefully woke up at 4am then craving for my favorite mama-cooked buttered shrimps. I suddenly wished it was the 24th already-- it is my schedule to fly home. Trying to tire myself to hopefully fix the dream I just had (hehehe, yeah I had one of my most sensible yet undesirable dreams tonight), I watched a movie which I had seen a million times in the last 6 months-- and this didn't seem to work.

Anyway, I sent my mother a text message a couple of weeks ago to ask her to prepare the food I wish to taste again during my short vacation in Manila. I wish I could still see some of "ka-tropa" from high school so we could get together like we always did in the last few years-- as well as see other people who requested me to visit them to, at the very least, show them I am still alive. Hahaha! Can't wait to go home. Can't wait to embrace and smell my daughters who have all grown up like they're not my babies anymore. Can't wait to enjoy my time with the people I truly care about. Can't wait to feel home gain.

I will try to take a long nap after writing this one-- need to prepare for a possible long night out to watch "Cirque du Soleil" with my good friend, Mich.